Love

Love

There are various kinds of love with even more definitions of each. One popular version might be described as the desire for two people to spend their lives together, with a continuing compassion for each other through good and bad times.

Joseph Addison (1672-1719) puts it quite nicely this way: "Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other's mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives."

Of course it isn't always easy because conflicts about ideas, choices and habits arise. Some of these conflicting situations are easy to overlook while others can be very annoying, upsetting, and continual. Some personal mannerisms of one may never suit those of the other, and compromise cannot always be reached. Parting ways might seem inevitable, but often relaxing and rethinking the whole picture can result in a positive turn.

For example, many difficulties in a friendship, including marriage, can be put to the back by the simple act of resignation. By accepting certain personal conditions as permanent, they will somehow become more acceptable. Eventually the conflicting ideas may not be much of an issue, thanks to resignation. This leaves more room for mutual contentment and fondness.

Has the other's point of view been considered earnestly? How about a commitment to doing things that are basically unfavorable if it will improve the relationship? What are the other's favorable traits and conditions that are being overlooked? Nobody has to be perfect!

"If you wished to be loved, love." - Lucius Seneca (3-65)

Love

    * John 15:12-13
    * 1 Corinthians 13

Kamylle

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Problems

Problems

We are all faced with problems throughout our lives, some are small, others huge. Depending on how we deal with them, they can be overwhelming and devastate our lives, or they can quickly fade into the past.

Attitude plays a big role. With a difficult personal or work undertaking, consider all viewpoints, even those you think you don't like. It just might provide relief from your fearful analysis of the situation. Don't oversize the problem which is often a panic reaction. Discuss the actions that you could take with a friend or co-worker which can sometimes provide a good suggestion and some instant stress relief.

Lay out a procedure and slowly complete the first task. The next steps should be easier. Often we will keep on worrying after the decisions are made, which of course is of no help at all. If everything that can be done has been done then it's time to follow through.

"Our plans miscarry if they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." Lucius Seneca (3-65)

Rejection can be an unpleasant experience, but it just lets us know that we aren't perfect. Who is? Consider it a lesson learned, then forget it and move on with your life in a positive constructive manner.

To help solve a difficult problem or to cut down on worrying about making a decision, analyze the situation, determine what must be done and carry it out. In writing or on your PC:

Get all the facts.
Describe the problem in detail.
List all the possible solutions.
List the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Detail what you will do.
Follow through.

You have detailed the planning and know that you will proceed in a certain way, but will review it as required. Later. Now it's time to think other thoughts.

"What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing." - Aristotle (BC)

Revenge

Revenge

Each time that someone inflicts physical or emotional pain upon us there is usually a natural reaction to attack back. While this can give some much needed satisfaction, it is not an open and shut case.

There are different kinds of hurt - harsh or mild, intentional or accidental, apparently justified or not. Sometimes the perpetrator is emotionally ill or extremely stressed and unaware of the seriousness of the incident, perhaps feeling very much worse than you do. Imagine that the positions are switched for a different perspective on the situation.

"It's hard to have one's watch stolen, but one reflects that the thief of the watch became a thief from causes of heredity and environment which are as interesting as they are scientifically comprehensible; and one buys another watch, if not with joy, at any rate with a philosophy that makes bitterness impossible." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1931) 

It is worth considering the aftermath of revenge. How do you feel now, better or worse? How does the other person feel? Was your reaction too strong or harmful? Perhaps you feel bad and regret it altogether? Could a little discussion have avoided the incident?

"To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it." - Confucius (BC)

It may seem very stupid to turn the other cheek when we have been hurt, and often it is. However, we should review the situation and consider the facts and effects. Who is being harmed by our anger and retaliation? If we cause ourselves more grief when we try to get even, isn't this another reason to at least review our actions?

"He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves." - Chinese proverb

Future

Future

Our vision for the future might hold one of these two possibilities. We could be dreaming about some enjoyment that hopefully lies ahead, or worried about some looming hardship.

Often the enjoyment in our lives is put on hold, we just need more time and money. We just have to work a little harder. Too many things can go wrong with this and we may not be able to do it later for various reasons. If we put off our enjoyment of life until later, it may take longer than we think, or it may never happen the way that we envisioned it.

We should not throw away our precious today's in anticipation of good times, not when we can have days of enjoyment and satisfaction now. Perhaps it's time for an examination of our style of life and our wants and needs, now and for the future. It is good to imagine a happy future and make plans for it but we should not put off the happiness we can have today. So why not live each day as if the future plans may not materialize.

"We are never living, but only hoping to live; and, looking forward always to being happy, it is inevitable that we never are so."

Worrying over something that is going to happen will make our lives stressful and less happy.

After examining an upcoming difficult or seemingly disastrous situation, if there is something that can be done to improve on it, do it. If not, and the event cannot or should not be avoided, then accept the fact and start thinking about something else. Worrying about it will not only be a total waste of time but it will increase anxiety, and things will seem even worse than they really are.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."

Stress

Stress

Stress is predominant in our society. Most of us are running here, running there, doing something at high speed, seldom relaxing. And they thought they were living busy lives a hundred years ago!

"This strange disease of modern life with its brisk hurry and divided aims." - Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)

To improve upon this stressful way of life we can reassess our values and routines. If possible, we can eliminate some of those things which are not necessary to a contented life, and we can slow down. Achieving a stress free way of life will help keep us healthier and living longer and make our time here a lot more fun. 

You can often visualize your way out of tension by picturing yourself in a very calm, peaceful, serene setting, in complete easy control.

Picture it clearly and hold on to it. You can use your imagination in many different ways to help siphon off tensions - when at the bathroom sink or in the shower, let all your worries, stresses, anxieties, run down the drain with the dirty soapy water. 

When you start to feel stress coming on, immediately try relaxing the muscles and fill your mind with thoughts of peace, tranquility,

confidence, strength, happiness. Repeat these and other calming words to yourself now and again. Take notice of, and enjoy your surroundings

all through the day. Look at, listen to, smell the limitless variety of things natural everywhere.

Make a determined effort to please someone. Offer help, agree, smile. This is much easier than trying to impress others, or trying to be perfect. Thinking of, and interacting with others, can be very soothing on the nerves, particularly if you expect no credits.  

"The American over-tension and jerkiness and breathlessness and intensity and agony of expression are primarily social, and only secondarily physiological, phenomena. They are bad habits, nothing more or less, bred of custom or example, born of imitation of bad models and the cultivation of false personal ideals." - William James (1842-1910)